I haven't been on here for a while so am going to try again - even though I know it is not being read by anyone else - this reminds me of colwich novitiate blog when I wrote every day and became very addicted to it. I would check to see if there were any questions sometimes several times a day and even then knew that I was far too attached to it. It started to take over and I think it ruined my religious life whilst I was there. Hindsight is a great and painful thing.

    Well, the fitbit. For 3 days I was very very focussed and did over 10.000 steps. I also bought a new bike and gave my old one away on a local free site. As I was also doing step aerobics using a you tube video and using my air walker I was feeling very good about myself. But then - the weather changed and it has been damp and grey so I haven't been able to cycle since getting my bike. I also got very down and have been struggling emotionally so have lost all motivation and stopped caring about myself too - from finding that a friend is getting some help with her illness whilst my referral is being ignored and me then feeling very very rejected. I know it's not her fault but it's hard to know that she is going to a support group very near to my home and I can't go to it, when she lives miles and miles away. I have had to back off from her and don't go onto that facebook page that I had now.

Gosh must get away from all of this and just try radical acceptance. This blog is not about my illness though it does get in the way.

I was also down when I found that despite being so good with exercise and my diet I had put 5 pounds on which makes no sense and the mood I am in makes me want to give up. I don't know how to get back into gear again. Today is also cold, damp and grey so I won't be going out. Now i have a new bike I am itching to use it and get out but that isn't going to happen again today. Maybe when the weather improves I will.